Writing to Heal

Last night I read a beautiful post written by a woman who gave an account of her daughter's birth. Anticipating a "normal" baby girl, she delivered a precious little girl with Down Syndrome. Her account told of her anticipation, surprise, and return to joy. It truly moved me.

Today, a related post came my way: Writing to Heal. Just as that mother wrote herself from grief to joy in her post, Rosemary Alva encourages her readers to do the same: write to heal.

My post today is simply to share hers:
http://rosemaryalva.com/2013/02/27/writing-to-heal/

We all want to live well. Sometimes that means to heal, so we can live well, and fully live.

--Keri

Supporting Our Friends with Cancer

One of every eight women will be diagnosed with some form of cancer. If you don’t already know someone who is fighting this battle, you eventually will. I’ve found an inspiring resource for supporting women with cancer, and am excited to share it with you.

A woman’s life after the diagnosis can become a whirlwind of action and emotion. Typically, friends want to help…but they don’t know how to. The patient might not know, either. I encountered a remarkable organization that assists these women and even helps us know what to do: Breast Friends (breastfriends.org).

This organization supports both the woman and those who are close to her. Breast Friends knows what the woman will go through even before she begins the journey, and has anticipated her needs. They offer a breast cancer survival kit, and another survival kit for her family. After the treatment ends, they help women transition back into life after cancer. Their counselors give classes, retreats, and workshops on how to return to the life they were living before cancer. It’s all about helping women and their communities cope during this very difficult journey. 

A friend of mine recently heard of a friend’s cancer diagnosis. She was apprehensive about calling her, because she didn’t know what to say. But she stepped out and dialed the number, and was so glad she did. Her friend needed support and she was there for her; they talked and cried, for an hour. She was so glad she called.

If one in eight women will have cancer, it’s up to the other seven women to support her. We can! Visit BreastFriends.org  to see their amazing offerings. I’ll close with their list of ways you can show you care. And…don’t forget to visit your doctor every year for your own check up!

-Keri

Tips to Show You Care

• Just Call to Chat
• Give a hat shower for your friend. Have everyone bring a cool hat.
• Send out email to co-workers and friends and give your friend’s address so people can send cards and letters.
• Gather together some mutual friends and make a “Walk Beside Me” Quilt.
• Take up a collection and buy a day of house cleaning, window washing or carpet cleaning for your friend.
• Cook a meal for her family on chemotherapy days.
• Drop by with a milkshake.
• Go to a matinee movie and/or to lunch.
• Drop by to do some laundry.
• Run some errands for her: grocery shopping, post office, bank deposits, etc.
• Go for manicures and pedicures together.
• Get her a gift certificate for a healing massage.
• Just Call to Chat
• Wash her car.
• Help with yard work, and chat while working.
• Take her to hit a bucket of golf balls (depending on her level of strength.)
• Arrange for a day of babysitting so she can rest.
• Go wig shopping and try on crazy colors (the crazier the better!)
• Buy her a new shade of lipstick.
• Add her to your church’s prayer chain; some women’s groups will also send cards and notes.
• Ask her to make you a list of errand, chores and tasks so you can pass them around for others to help
• Have a going away boobie party.
• Invite her to a special lunch and bring out the fancy china and silver. Don’t forget the linen napkins. What are you saving them for anyway? Celebrate your friendship and life.
• Many restaurants have gourmet foods to go. Bring home her favorites and enjoy them with her in comfy clothes.
• There is nothing better than the smell of warm bread, or the taste of warm bread with a slather of butter. 
• Share the experience with her, and of course do the clean up. Slice it up and freeze it, so she can enjoy it later as well.
• Bring over an assortment of herbal teas. Looking for a better night sleep? Try chamomile. Need an afternoon pick up? Try hibiscus and rose hips.
• Just Call to Chat
• If your friend likes to cook, bring over some fresh herbs, many supermarkets are stocking them these days.
• Ice cream sundaes are always in style, bring over a few toppings and you have instant fun.
• Create a fun “Do Not Disturb” sign for her to use it if she needs some alone time. Great for the bathroom door to take that long relaxing bath or an afternoon nap. Don’t forget a nice basket of bath products.
• If time is short, pay a responsible teenager to do some mundane & tiring errands to take away some of the burden of chores.
• Breakfast-in-bed is always a hit; don’t forget the flowers to brighten up the tray.
• Take your friend for a new look. It’s more fun to do it together. If she’s up to it, try on some new styles of clothes together. A bald head goes well with punk styles. Pick something you would never normally wear and have a good laugh. Don’t forget the camera.
• Get a few wild temporary tattoos and have fun putting them in daring places.
• Drive your friend around so she can more easily do those errands, it will take some of the stress out of errands and make them more fun at the same time.
• Pamper your friend with a paraffin wax treatment, the warm wax does wonders for circulation and makes your hands soft and smooth. Can be used for sore, tired feet as well.
• When you come to visit your friend, suggest she take a long hot bubble bath while you watch the kids, do the dishes or just field the phone calls.
• Just Call to Chat
• Before she loses her hair, dye it a color she’s always talked about, or get it cut short and sassy. Encourage her to be daring by trying out some new styles or looks. Remember, it’s probably only going to last for a week or so.
• Try some art therapy. Not creative enough? Bring over a couple of coloring books and color crayons and help her feel like a kid again with color book therapy. Good time to talk and bring out the creativity even if she isn’t an artist. Don’t forget, it’s ok to color outside of the lines.
• If your friend is dealing with lymphedema, you could hire a massage therapist that is specially trained to help relieve the pressure and help her relax.
• If you like to do crafts, bring over the supplies and share this new craft with your friend.
• If you have a sweet pet that likes people, share them with your friend. Pets have a special healing power (check for allergies beforehand).
• One way to pamper your friend is to shampoo her hair (or massage her head with lotion if she has no hair).
• Oh yeah… Just Call to Chat!

And finally… If she says no, don’t give up, continue to offer to help.

 

Girlfriend Time: My Cup is Full

One aspect of living well that I’ve always found energizes and fulfills me is time with my girlfriends. Over the years, I’ve heard about women taking off for “girlfriend weekends”, but had never done it myself. The opportunity came up and I jumped on it! Last week I spent four days away at a lake house in Montana. Heaven. 

Five women hopped in the car on Friday morning and we took off. On the way there, we stopped at a store and I picked up the DVD series for Downtown Abbey Season I…in anticipation. The drive to Montana was, of course, beautiful, and so was the lake and house.

 

The weekend was everything I hoped it would be. We laughed, shared and finished conversations. We found out so much we didn’t know about each other. We took turns cooking dinner so no one would have to do it all, and committed to eating together every night (you know how ladies appreciate candles and ambiance, and we made sure we had it!). We cooked recipes that weren’t family-friendly (like an amazing macaroni and cheese that included bleu cheese). We stayed up too late and got up whenever we pleased. We took walks, relaxed in the hammock, paddle boarded, jet skied, or set out on the ATV to explore. We enjoyed nightly hot tub time before dinner. What I wouldn’t have expected was the hours we spent on Pinterest! We enjoyed the time to look at each others interests, likes, recipes and styles. 

What was so beautiful about the weekend was that there were so many activities, and we were free to choose solitude or companionship.

When we planned our adventure, we talked about what we wanted from the trip. We all agreed that everyone should be open to allowing each other to have a good time; to be open to each other’s definition of what a good time was. As a result, everyone was delighted and respectful of what others needed. The ladies were free to do their own thing and be true to their own spirit. We were blessed with girlfriend time, great laughs, fun, alone time, one-on-one time, and many opportunities to enjoy the whole group. So we had the flavor of it all.

Our trip home was also an adventure… accidentally (ahem). I missed a road sign and we ended up on a detour past unexpected beauty and then saw on the side of the road: “Big Horn Sheep”. This was a “huge” gift and blessing for one of our ladies, it was her dream to see a Big Horn Sheep… and we saw five of them! Because of our detour, we were able to stop into a different Fred Meyer to see if they had Season 2 of Downtown Abbey (yes, we had finished Season I!) to watch on the drive home. (Might I add that everyone was great sports about that detour?).  

Between the “extra” miles traveled, the beautiful sightings, and many “ladies room” breaks, we were running very behind. On top of it all, I had previously scheduled a group of ladies to come to my home for a fashion consultation to kick off and introduce my new business for that evening. When I realized that there wasn’t enough time on the clock for the miles needed to get there, I pulled over and let my sister-in-law drive so I could make phone calls and execute a new plan. With the help of my hostess (she agreed to bring the guests a little later), my colleague who dropped off the line of clothing samples to my house, my daughter to put it all up and organize it into collections, and my dear sweet son's cleaning, wiping and vacuuming to get it ready for guests, all collectively got the job done. I am grateful.

Today, I feel like my cup is full. There’s more to me than just my girlfriends, that’s true. But today I am fulfilled. Having that time for friendship fully energized me and today I cherish my daily duties more because I had my girlfriend time; and that nourishes my soul. It was also time away from business, tasks and my family to think, pause and reflect on the day-to-day and cherished moments of life. You don’t always have that opportunity when you’re in the midst of it all.

Thank you ladies, for the gift of a weekend. Thank you reader, for reading to the end of my story. The point of it all is to inspire you to take the same kind of time for yourself. I hope you do.

-Keri

Just What the Doctor Ordered

When I offer women a chance to relax, unwind, and come together in fellowship and fun, I often hear, “Oh, I’m too busy to host a fun girl’s night out! But thanks for asking anyway.” What they don’t realize is that I’m offering exactly what they need in their busy and hectic lives.

You see, as women, we tend to over-commit, over-indulge, take care of everyone before ourselves, and multi-task to the point of fatigue. We owe it to ourselves to unplug, unwind and reconnect with each other in a supportive and nurturing atmosphere. After all, that’s how we’re wired, and to go against it can truly impact our health.

In addition to selling fabulous .925 sterling silver, I’m a wife, mother, attorney, and a doctor (Ph.D.)/professor, so I not only know what it means to be busy, but I also know the importance of social gatherings to a woman’s well-being!

And the Doctor Said...
Consider this story: In an evening class at Stanford, the last lecture was on the mind-body connection - the relationship between stress and disease. The speaker (head of Psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman, whereas for a woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends. At first everyone laughed, but he was serious.

Women connect with each other differently and provide support systems that help each other to deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Physically, this quality “girlfriend time" helps us to create more serotonin: a neurotransmitter that helps combat depression and can create a general feeling of well-being. Women share feelings whereas men often form relationships around activities. They rarely sit down with a buddy and talk about how they feel about certain things or how their personal lives are going. Jobs? Yes. Sports? Yes. Cars? Yes. Fishing, hunting, golf? Yes. But their feelings? Rarely.

Women do it all the time. We share from our souls with our sisters, friends and mothers, and evidently that is very good for our health. The Stanford professor said that spending time with a friend is just as important to our general health as jogging or working out at a gym.

There's a tendency to think that when we are "exercising" we are doing something good for our bodies, but when we are hanging out with friends, we are wasting our time and should be more productively engaged—not true. In fact, he said that failure to create and maintain quality personal relationships with other humans is as dangerous to our physical health as smoking!

How This Applies to YOU
So every time you hang out to schmooze with a gal pal, just pat yourself on the back and congratulate yourself for doing something good for your health! We are indeed very, very lucky.

Let’s toast to our girl-friendships and have a fun night “in!” Evidently it’s good for our health. And the next time someone asks you to gather some friends for a fun girls’ night playing dress up with jewelry, consider this story and say YES!

--Carol

You can contact Carol at carol.parkerwalsh@gmail.com